The Only Time “Hoes Before Bros” Ever Applies

The Only Time “H*es Before Bros” Ever Applies

We all have that one friend in the crew… you know, the homie down for whatever and whenever, all the damn time. He can find no reason not to be super turnt up (you could picture him and Smokey from Friday sharing a blunt, trying to dissect Nietzsche). A key factor to his personality is that he is down to screw pretty much anything.

Taking-One-For-The-Team is his middle name. Conquering the Rebel Wilsons of the world is his calling. We ALL know that guy. The Scavenger. The dude who welcomes sleeping with the grenade. For him, it’s a challenge to try and bed the Mother Hen of a group of girls, every Friday and Saturday night.

You can be at the most rickety college bar that’s a straight up sausage fest and sure enough, The Scavenger will find a way to pick the most random out of place co-ed and have himself a good time. So, The Scavenger is the ideal wingman… for the most part.

This is where sh*t gets real.

Though every man old enough to nurse a beer understands [AND SHOULD LIVE BY] the honorable code: Bros Before Hoes, there is one time where this concept does not apply. As with everything in life, there is an exception to the rule.

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The Scavenger is always there for you to accept whatever slim pickings there are from the bunch. His game is exceptionally awful, but he does serve a purpose: he can hold a conversation with his fellow scavenger (i.e. grenades, mother hens, etc.).

What messes up the game for most of us guys is on the rare night where we do meet two to three ladies in a small group — without a female scavenger in sight. This throws our Scavenger homeboy into a panic. He is not used to dealing with a group of women where there isn’t someone whom he can relate to… so what does he do, you ask? He f*cks the night up for everybody.

Have you ever been in the club and just kicked off an amazing conversation with a group of hotties and your boy comes waddling over and just literally kills the vibe? What about when you’re on a 1-on-1 session in the lounge area, and the rapport’s flowing, and you can see it her eyes she’s just begging for you to kiss her, and Mr. Scavenger Buddy glances over to your corner and says something like, “Yo Bro, remember how you were crying over Lisa last night? Did she ever respond to your drunk text?”

I’m here to tell Men of America out there… this behavior is NOT HIS FAULT. The Scavenger does not know any better. It’s like asking a fish not to breathe under water. You cannot expect an individual like the Scavenger to behave outside of his comfort zone; to behave outside of his natural element. The sooner you are able to accept this caveat, the better.

So how does this tie-in to the concept of Hoes Before Bros? Well… next time you find yourself in an intense conversation with that young lady at the bar who is ready to go home with you, and you see The Scavenger in your peripheral, drawing in close like a heat-seeking missile, hurry up, pay the tab, chuck him the deuce, and leave with shorty. Period.

Explain to him the next day that you probably were high (lie) or drunk (lie) and didn’t see him (lie) and your iPhone battery needed to be replaced (blatant boldface lie).

Just take the L, as they say in the hood.

And when he ends up saying, “Hey man, I thought it was always ‘Bros Before Hoes,’ what gives?” That’s when you hand him a Blu-ray copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You,” and say in your best Gigi impersonation, “Sorry Bro, you just happen to be the exception, not the rule.”

 

‘Expired’ Women In China Are Fixing Their Faces To Keep Their Jobs

‘Expired’ Women In China Are Fixing Their Faces To Keep Their Jobs

‘Expired’ Women In China Are Fixing Their Faces To Keep Their Jobs

If you thought gender discrimination in the workplace was bad in America, it’s even worse in China. While we already know ‘men’ (as they like to call themselves) believe that women are expired after a certain age, employers in China are making it nearly impossible for women over 30 to be hired …unless they resort to plastic surgery.

Yup, that’s right. According to the Daily Beast, women in China are undergoing plastic surgery in order to keep their jobs. These aren’t modeling jobs, either, just boring-ass desk jobs. As if it isn’t enough that the chinese government labels unmarried women over 27 as “leftovers.” Then again, who doesn’t love chinese leftovers? Am I right?

Anthropologist Wen Hua found that Chinese women feel significantly more job insecurity than men. Wait, really? I don’t understand why! (In case you didn’t notice, that was utter sarcasm.) I don’t know what is more pathetic: the fact that women are pressured by employers to get plastic surgery, or that they actually succumb to that pressure.

Hua also told Daily Beast contributor, Jenna Chiu, that beauty is seen as a primary asset in order for women to get a job. This isn’t news to me. Whether we like it or not, we all know that our looks either work for us, or against us, in the workplace. Besides, women are just objects to look at. Our level of intelligence is irrelevant, right?

Hua’s further research found that a shocking 90 percent of job postings for women in 2003 were only open to those under 30. Even more shocking, 76 percent of Chinese women aspire for executive positions, while only 52 percent of American women do. How? Chinese women gain their workplace roles by getting plastic surgery, of course. The Chinese plastic surgery industry has increased by 20 percent over the past year. Call it the new form of ambition.

The Insider Story of an Online Pimp

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Many know that Singapore is the city of sex where commercial sex is abundant. The men in Singapore have no lack of places to have their sexual needs attended to when the need arises. For those who are unfamiliar, traditionally, commercial sex can be found in the assigned houses along even lanes of Geylang (these are regulated), street walkers along the small lanes of Geylang (these are not regulated), Massage Parlours (usually those with skimpy dressed women outside), Health Centers usually in Hotels, etc.

Similar to other trades, commercial sex eventually made its way into cyberspace. This provided conveniences to clients, and a false sense of security to pimps and the unregulated prostitutes.

SHS managed to get an exclusive interview with an online-pimp who agreed on condition that his identity is not revealed. Let’s just call him Samuel. I shall not disclose how I know him in order to protect him.

SHS: How did you get started?

Samuel: I started when I was around 19 years old. I dropped out of school after Secondary 4 failing my ‘N’ level. I held a few jobs which pays pittance and I was always broke. Soon I started betting on soccer with a local bookie and chalked up huge debt. In order to pay off my debt, I was offered a job as a runner for the bookie who also operates a loanshark syndicate. It was during this period where I came to know a few online-prostitution syndicate members. They know of my photoshop skill and recruited me to join them.

SHS: What does your job entails?

Samuel: They will send me picture of the girls and my task was to ‘blur’ out their face before advertising them on the internet. I also maintain a few blogs and also yahoo-group to recommend the girls to clients. At times, I also write FR (Field-Report) on the girls at sex forums so as to give them good reviews. If the girls are to operate in Massage palours, I will arrange for the shop to be renovated according to the requirement.

SHS: How do the syndicate source for the girls?

Samuel: We have overseas agents who will look for interested parties, they then liase with us in getting the girls here. Generally, we charge them according to the type of permits that they require:

a) Social Visit Pass – SGD500

b) 6 Months Entertainment Pass – SGD5,500 (Monthly Agent fee is SGD400)

c) 2 years Work Permit – SGD9,000 – 10,000 (Monthly Agent fee is SGD450)

SHS: How is work permit possible for such services?

Samuel: Of course the work permit will be for other jobs which the girls will never be there. If there are sufficient passports collected, a front company will be registered for this purpose. However, most of the time, the guarantee for being here in Singapore is only up to 1 year.

SHS: So how are you paid in doing so?

Samuel: I am paid for each job but I rather not talk about the actual amount openly. However, I do earn extra on the side. If the girls needs a place to stay, I will help them to find the place and may take a cut from there. If the massage palour requires renovation, I will partner with the contractor and also take a cut from there. I also arrange for the girls to have their sexy photoshoot which money can also be made there. On a slow month, I will bring back about SGD8000.

SHS: You do know that this is illegal right?

Samuel: Of course but this is a recession proof industry. How is one able to earn enough with my qualification? I have started to diversifying the things I do and invested into a loansharking business. I plan to stop once I earn enough to start my own business like selling handphones and pre-paid cards. We know that we are constantly being monitored by the authorities which is why we will do our activities only in cybercafes.

SHS: What is the trick in the business?

Samuel: The trick is how to make your girls look gorgeous even when they are not. Luckily there are make-up and push up bras that help us in our work. As long as the figure can be improved then it would be easy as the face will be ‘blurred’ anyway. In the worse situation, I will find pictures from the internet and photoshop it before using it. If the business for a particular girl is not good, we will also help her to post positive FR. There is a group of us doing it so getting a few good FR is easy. It is all about marketing.

SHS: What is the setback in the business?

Samuel: Beside the fear of being arrested, there is no CPF and no leave for the job. The job requires quite a bit of running around and liasing with people in getting the job done. So a car would be needed to get the job done. It is still okay if you are single when doing it but your partner may not be comfortable once she knows what you do for a living. The job is not easy and high risk, one should consider it seriously as some had been arrested even before they could enjoy their earnings.

source from Singapore Hall of Shame

What Do Men Really Want?

What Do Men Really Want?

What Do Men Really Want?

Where the hell is the female equivalent of Mel Gibson when I’m asked this question? I want a woman to be able to read my mind and hear what I’m thinking, so she can convince me that she’s my soul mate and everything I’ve been waiting for, someone to completely take my brain out of the equation. But in actuality, a man’s brains screw every single thing up.

What do men want? If that’s not the million-dollar question for women, I don’t know what is. Men are just about as fickle as they come when it comes to what we want in a woman. On a daily basis, my mind alternates between wanting a relationship, a fuck buddy, a one-night stand, or nothing at all. The real problem is that a man’s brain is constantly changing. There is never a day when we think or feel the same thing as the last, and that’s a fact. For women, that fact could make you quite crazy, and it’s safe to say it has.

The simple truth is that men are extraordinarily difficult to understand. Some men just want sex. And that’s fine. I’ve fallen into this category for the majority of my life. What is better than some rough, down to have fun, good old-fashioned sex, with no strings attached? Especially when you don’t have to worry about what this person is going to think the next day. This kind of guy is good for one thing, and it’s not someone to bring to Sunday brunch. It’s a casual fling, with little to no thought put into it and ZERO feelings.

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There is another kind of man, and he’s definitely different. Some men want a companion, a relationship. I’ve always found that there’s women out there that basically go from relationship to relationship and never spend a single moment of their lives single and figuring out exactly who they are and what they want. There are also men like this. Some men just want the ability to come home to someone who cares about them, have their boring missionary sex and be done with it.

The trick here, I think, that women are missing but need to learn is to not try to change a guy from one mindset to another. If I am just looking to get laid, and I tell you I just want to f*ck, convincing me that a relationship with you will be worthwhile is going to be a waste of your time. You’re never going to change a guy like that. Odds are, you’re not the one he’s looking for, and even if you were, he’s not going to realize it until much too late. You’re never going to alter our brains. We’re stuck in our ways and pig headed to the point where, unless you’re an absolute dime who loves football and beer, we’re probably not going to notice that you’re right for us until you’re leaving. I wonder why that is.

I’ve had to ask myself repeatedly what it is about me, or men in general, that makes us so easily swayed. Why, for no apparent reason, we automatically assume that the grass is always greener on the other side. I wish I could tell you word for word what men want, what it is we’re looking for, and what is important to us. But the truth is that no guy is the same. Take your standard tits versus ass guy. Do we ever agree? No. I think there really are no right or wrong answers in regards to what a man wants. I can say that when you do find the right person, it works. It shouldn’t be a constant struggle; you shouldn’t have to work hard every single day to make something work. Relationships obviously require effort, but when you find the right person, it should just click.

Look ladies, the fact of the matter is that you have 99 percent of the power when it comes to men, and you need to start realizing this. You hold all the cards, and you open all the doors. The fact is if you don’t give me your number, you’re never going to find out whether I just want to bang, or I’m looking for the love of my life. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but when things go wrong in relationships, it usually can be directly attributed to the woman not looking at the signs that are clearly presented regarding what type of guy he is. Women need to realize that they own men. Period – end of story. Take the power you have over us, and use it to your advantage.

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Find the guy who’s looking for what you want and things will work out. Try turning the one-night stand guy from last Halloween into your boyfriend, and well, things aren’t likely to work out.

I can tell you nothing about what men want. I can, however, tell you a little bit about what I want. I’ve spent the majority of my life single and loving it. I’ve had incredible nights with incredible women, and at this point of my life, the rat race of the dating game just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be anymore. Fact is, I’m sick of the dumb bullsh*t and the drama. I want someone I can chill with. I want someone I can go out binge drinking with and at the same time, stay in and watch a movie with. Even more importantly, I want someone who’s sexy but also reserved. As Ludacris said, I’m looking for a “lady in the street, but a freak in the bed,” and basically every guy is.

That much is true. What I’m sick of is a confused girl who is going to screw around behind my back, or not know what she wants. I am completely done with the games. I’m done with wasting my time. I am definitely not ready, nor am I looking for a relationship, but the signs are pointing to me being over the casual one-night stands. And to be fair, what’s so wrong with that, anyway?

Ladies, Why You Need To Have Sex Appeal And Swagger To Be Successful

Ladies, Why You Need To Have Sex Appeal And Swagger To Be Successful

Ladies, Why You Need To Have Sex Appeal And Swagger To Be Successful

Sex appeal is often confused for a female’s inclination towards sexual promiscuity. However, a woman will achieve more when properly exploiting her sex appeal. This power will take you to the right places and the right events, as long as it’s done correctly.

We find ourselves at an interesting time in female liberation. Women don’t have to fight so hard for equal rights. As a general rule, we may not make AS much as some men, but we are doing well for ourselves. However, succeeding does require a woman to toe the line between serious businessperson and a generally interesting human.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to have men in the workplace look at you as someone dateable, but then have them realize just as quickly that a professional relationship is their only option. Women need to see you as trustworthy, not a threat. These messages need to be delivered without appearing frigid or aggressive because being included and admired is the fastest way to success.

Most importantly, never let your hoo-ha function as the company ink well. Those pens may drive a nice car, have the corner office and lure you in with promises of career advancement, but they are not worth it. They will never leave their wives if they’re married, the other females in the office will find out and talk about you endlessly, and the other men in the office will wonder when they get to take their dip. A successful man, whether he’s married or not, wants to be the alpha. Therefore, in reality, your advancement is not even on their radar. Find someone else to wrap your legs around who does not work in your office.  I know you can do it.

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The image you project must emulate success and confidence. Projecting that image requires honesty. Many have the inclination to lie to make their selves sound better. Lying about personal or professional achievements will get you nowhere. The professional bonds you should be seeking come from relating to people on true and meaningful levels.

Without sharing too much personal detail with coworkers, your relationships at work must still thrive on people feeling as though they know you and how you operate. Being trustworthy is key, and the only way to achieve that is to ALWAYS do what you say you’re going to do and consistently take responsibility for your actions.

Aesthetically speaking, no men want to work with a woman wearing sensible 2” pumps and boxy polyester clothes. On the other hand, 6” heels and a super tight dress can send the wrong message to both male and female coworkers. The clothes you wear say a lot about who you are. Your appearance should still look good if you make a guest appearance for drinks after work at a trendy spot.

Never should your look be matronly or boring, or your outfit be mistaken for one that would be flirty enough for a real date. The wrap dress is your go to, and when it doubt, just don’t wear tight with tight. For example, a pencil skirt that hugs that ass of yours needs to be paired with a shirt that isn’t quite so form fitting or cleavage oriented.

Speaking your mind regarding projects and concepts is also important. This should always be done with a reasonable level of gentility. There is no reason to shout over people or become overly aggressive when sharing your ideas. Being officious doesn’t make people want to work with you or hear what you have to say. Wait to comment until you have a thought that is vital. If you do this regularly, soon others will recognize your opinions in high regard and will pause to ask your opinion if they do not do so already.

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Talking like one of the guys is also a necessary evil that requires certain finesse.  Dropping the occasional and well-placed f-bomb makes you real and amusing. Dropping that f-bomb every other sentence makes you look classless and strictly qualified for the mailroom. Know your sports. You do not have to watch every game, but know about the week’s sports headlines and where the big teams are ranking these days.

Understand the basic rules of the big four leagues (football, baseball, basketball and hockey). All men want to be around a woman who would go to a game with them and be at least reasonably interested in what is going on. This modicum of knowledge makes men feel like you are not an ice princess who will cry at the drop of a hat, and that itself is very sexy and powerful.

The overall goal is to be fun, but not accessible. You are always out around town, but not including those who you work with in your personal debaucheries. You do not discuss your hangover, or your sexual conquests in detail. You are someone special, fun, trustworthy and someone with her shit together. You are missed when you do not attend a company function, but not because everyone is wondering who you are going to go home with this time. You are missed because without you, the party is just less.

Australia Bans Small Breasts, How Will The Itty Bitty Titty Committee Respond?

Australia Bans Small Breasts, How Will The Itty Bitty Titty Committee Respond?

Australia Bans Small Breasts, How Will The Itty Bitty Titty Committee Respond?

The conservative sector of Australia’s government has proposed a ban on porn magazines and films featuring women with small breasts because the images apparently “encourage pedophilia.”

Actively campaigning to have the ban overturned is Fiona Patten, the leader of the anti-censorship Australian movement known as the Sex Party.

She claims, as most would agree, that the ban is not a strategy to combat child pornography but an attempt to rid the news stands and Internet of a perfectly normal female body type that a certain group of old white men happen to find unsatisfactory.

Patten also believes that it’s not fair to prohibit women who refuse to have breast augmentation surgery from living their dreams of entering the adult industry.

“It may be an unintended consequence of the Senator’s actions but they are largely responsible for the sharp increase in breast size in Australian adult magazines of late,” Patten told The Register.

“We are starting to see depictions of women in their late 20s being banned because they have an A cup size.”

A law that deems the natural female body as “obscene” could not be “any more insulting,” says adult industry blogger Ms Naughty. She highlights that the ban not only makes small-breasted women feel that they have to have surgery to be attractive by Australian standards, but it also makes men who think “small boobs are sexy” seem like “perverts.”

There’s a much easier way to find out if a girl is too young, she says: it’s called checking how old she is.

Australia has been trying to clear the web of youthful-looking porn stars for several years now. In 2005, a law was passed stating that even if the woman in the film or magazine is over 18, she is still subject to be judged as “illegal” if she looks underage.

You Can Be Sexy And Smart: Blow Minds And Blow Guys (If You Want)

You Can Be Sexy And Smart: Blow Minds And Blow Guys (If You Want)

You Can Be Sexy And Smart: Blow Minds And Blow Guys (If You Want)

One of the great prophets of our generation, Drake, has seemingly bestowed upon us fair females some profound words to live by. Ever the brilliant philosopher, Drake preaches (much like the content of his music and the images in his videos) placing education over sexuality and intellect over promiscuity.

He says: “Open books, not legs. Blow minds, not guys.”

And the world wept at its beauty. How clearly mistaken women have been for centuries! Pleasing their men in the bedroom when they should have spent that precious time in the library, becoming real women of respectable breeding — the marriageable types with PhDs and untainted bodies.

Because, yes, of course, a woman’s intelligence and her sexuality are mutually exclusive. Heaven forbid a woman be capable of opening books AND her legs, or blowing minds AND guys.

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We’ve been perpetuating a myth that female sexuality is somehow a product of ignorance. That sexual promiscuity is somehow an indicator of lesser intelligence.

Women weren’t born with their own James Bond archetype. We weren’t told we could be well-dressed, cunning spy bachelor(ette)s with a hoard of (wo)men to use and dispose of when we tired of them or when they died uneventfully. We’ve never had a truly positive symbol for our sexuality (because the Samanthas of the world are one-dimensional sex-obsessed messes). We’ve got no real, progressive female icons that use sexuality proactively, and who aren’t trapped by the controlling masculine definition of their own womanhood.

We’re bombarded by celebrities who project the conception of empowered female sexuality, when, in reality, they’ve opened themselves up to being sexualized rather than being sexual, themselves. We make role models out of domestic abuse victims who glamorize their own problems with hit singles. Modern, popularized sexuality isn’t for the individual, it’s for others. We’ve actively accepted the position of the object over the position of the subject.

Men have never shaped their sexualities around women; why should we feel compelled to do so around them? Why should female sexuality be held to a male standard?

And I’ve heard the traditional dismissals before, the chorus of “so what?” from men who think the persistent double standard is either in place for a reason or not even existent at all.

When have we told men “Use your brain, don’t get brain. Think outside of the box, don’t eat it”? When have we told men that having sex has anything to do with how smart they are or how much impact they can make on this world?

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Women have long been the objects of their sexuality. Scantily-clad images to be adored or schwapped over; they’ve been the form-fitting leather images of Catwoman or the toxic, sexualized Poison Ivy. We’ve never been Batman. Women have been characterized in their sexuality: relegated to supporting roles that have been degraded to ‘slut’ or incomplete, unfathomable configurations of male desire, à la ‘manic pixie dream girls.’

What disallows me from blowing my term paper AND the next available gentleman out of the water? Why can’t I be a scientist with a sex life? Or a doctor who likes dick? A professor with a penchant for pussy?

But, of course, hyper-sexuality isn’t necessitation. A woman shouldn’t feel pressured to open her legs when she opens her books, or she shouldn’t have to feel like she has to open a book in order to open her legs.

The quote implies that a woman’s sexuality is to her detriment. That her apparent ‘sluttiness’ would somehow interfere with her ability to think and make obsolete any sign of higher intellect. That having sex is something to disapprove of, that female sexuality is something of which she should be ashamed.

The Slut-Shaming Era is in full swing, where popular myths and tropes run rampant so women somehow feel inherently disappointed with themselves for their sexual expression. The language of the acts contributes to the stigma: “losing” one’s virginity; “giving it up”; being “pounded.”

And most importantly, biased vernacular contributes to a culture of judgment. As if my intellect and sexuality are somehow up to the scrutiny of the male subject. That whether I choose either to read or to fellate (forget doing both) is somehow of consequence to other people.

Women have been subjugated for long enough. In regards to both our intellect and our sexuality, let’s empower a new breed of woman: one who is confident in both her intellectual and sexual pursuits, who does things in order to please primarily herself, whether it be enriching her mind or her body. OR BOTH. Because a woman is more than one attribute and she may assert either at her own discretion.

So, no thank you, Drake, I’m not going to take your words to heart. Maybe I don’t think you should be this generation’s role model or go-to spokesperson on female sexuality.

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Or, sorry for placing blame on you, Drake. Maybe it’s just a meme on the Internet, misattributed to you. Maybe you’re not that much of a dick. Regardless, somehow the image that’s reblogged, reposted, retweeted by men and women alike with catchy opening lines, such as “Dear Whores,” savors something sour. What seems like well-intentioned advice that encourages women to achieve something beyond their sexuality is, in fact, just limiting them in a different way.

These notions aren’t helping women; they’re teaching them that they can’t be multi-faceted, and that if they don’t want their sexuality to be their only defining feature, it should remain dormant.

This isn’t to say that a girl should go out there and open her legs to everyone under the sun, but if she wants to, I won’t somehow confuse her sexual prerogative for her literary prowess. And I won’t assume her blow job can’t blow minds, either.

Women, you’re not one-dimensional. Don’t limit yourself: you can be smart AND pretty; funny AND sexy. Your sexuality isn’t something that detracts from the other facets of your being. Be as smart and as sexual as you want to be. Be your own James Bond, be more than a Samantha; understand that you should never be limited by your gender or restricted by social norms that were put into place to discourage who you are and what you can and want to be.

Blow books, legs, minds and guys; spread anything you’d like (as long as it’s curable). This is your life. Live it the way you want. ¡Viva la pussy revolución!