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1. FORNIPHILIA

 

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Form Of Bondage In Which A Human Is Used (Or Incorporated Into) A Piece Of Furniture. Examples Include: Human Drafting Tables, Human Lazy Suzanns, And Human Shelving (Ikeaphilia anyone?).

2. SACOFRICOSIS

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The Process Of Making A Hole In One’s Pocket In Order to Facilitate Public Masturbation (“You wash those pants before I put them in the laundry!”).

3. LIQUIDOPHELIA

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Arousal Contingent Upon The Submersion Of One’s Genitals In Liquid. I’m staying out of public swimming pools from now on.

4. SYMOROPHILIA

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Arousal due to witnessing or staging disasters such as car accidents.

5. DENDROPHILIA

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Sexual interest in trees. Hippy Pervs.

6. FROTTEURISM

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Rubbing against a non-consenting person to facilitate sexual stimulation- otherwise known as ‘Riding The Bus/Subway’.

7. EDERACINISM

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Sexual pleasure derived from [the thought of] tearing out sexual organs by the roots. Pedophiles- you are Strongly Encouraged to develop this fetish and then follow through with it. Go on- rip it out by the roots, we’ll wait.

8. MUCOPHILIA

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Sexual pleasure related to mucus (e.g. the consumption of). You would’ve been in Heaven here when I had the flu. I was a mucus factory. On second thought- Fucking EW!!!!

9. AUTONEPIOPHILIA ( Infantalism)

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Sexual pleasure derived from dressing as (or imagining oneself as) an infant. Ladies- use your own ‘men’ jokes here. It’s just too easy.

10. GERONTOPHILIA

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Sexual preference for the elderly (uh-ya… particularly the filthy rich ones, right?).

11. SALIROPHILIA

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Fetish Involving the soiling or dirtying of one’s desire, usually an attractive person. Ok, ya’ll need some diapers from the Autonepiophiliacs.

12. URSUSAGALMATOPHILIA (Plushophilia)

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Sexual interest in teddy bears. Stay the fuck away from my teddy!

13. APTEMNOPHILIA/APOTEMNOPHILIA

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APTEMNOPHILIA= Being aroused and/or excited by amputees. This could be a win/win situation, I guess. APOTEMNOPHILIA= erotic interest in being or looking like an amputee. WTF? Seriously- you know that’s fucked up, right?

14. FORMICOPHILIA

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Sexual interest in being crawled upon or bitten by small insects. Itchy…Itchy-Itchy-Itchy!!!!

15. VORAREPHILIA

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Vorarephilic Fantasies commonly revolve around devouring others whole, or being swallowed whole by a mate

16. ZOOSADISM

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Sexual pleasure derived from inflicting pain on animals, or seeing them in pain. Basically- they’re assholes who NEED to die Immediately. Preferrably as painfully as possible. Then spend Eternity in Hell being raped by the biggest demon imaginable.

17. AGALMATOPHILIA

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Fetish involving statues, mannequins, and immobility. No Uncle Bob- this doesn’t include Auntie May. Ya…har har har. Ugh.

18. MECHANOPHILIA/MECHAPHILIA

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Sexual attraction to cars or other machines. Basically- men and their cars. Enough said.

19. AVISODOMY

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Sex with a bird. That’s just fowl!

20. OCULOLINCTUS (Worming)

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Erotic pleasure stemming from the licking of someone’s eyeball. What? How do you even? Wha? How would you even go there in the first place?!

21. PSYCHROPHILIA

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Arousal is contingent on contact with extremely cold objects or watching others freeze. This is Nothing like when someone just enjoys chewing ice cubes. I’m just sayin’- for someone else….

22. HIEROPHILIA

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Sexual attraction to religious or sacred objects (e.g. masturbation with a cross).

23. CATHETEROPHILIA

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A sexual perversion in which the necessary condition is that a catheter or other foreign body (e.g. swizzle stick, garter snake) be inserted in the urethra. Uh- good luck with that.

24. Menophilia

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A person with menophilia gets sexually excited at the sight, smell or taste of a menstruating woman. Bloody sick if you ask me.

25. Crush

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A crush fetish is when one becomes sexually aroused when usually someone of the opposite sex crushes objects, food and sometimes small animals or insects with/under their foot. Bizarre- right?

26. Dacryphilia

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When one is aroused by tears or sobbing. In other words- an asshole.

27. Emetophilia

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When someone is aroused by vomiting or observing others vomit(When emetophiles put emetophilia into practice by actually vomiting, especially on a partner, it is called a Roman shower, after the supposed (but mistaken) belief in the frequent induction of vomiting at Roman feasts). I presume they hang out in bars and colleges.

28. Necrophilia

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The sexual attraction to corpses. Gee- I wonder if they seek employment within the undertaker/morgue fields?

29. Klismaphilia

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Sexual arousal from introducing liquids into the rectum and colon via the anus (for example: enemas). I get the feeling adult diapers feature prominently in myriad fetishes….

30. Furries

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Furries are people who dress up in animal costumes and take on the persona of that animal. Sometimes full-on sex occurs, but often two or more furries engage in a behavior called “yiffing” (dry-humping or other sexualized interactions). Would saying, “Get Stuffed” be considered an insult or a compliment, I wonder?

31. Beastiality

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People who have sex with real live animals. I won’t even mention farm boys and cows. My willpower astounds me.

32. Eproctophilia

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The sexual attraction to human flatulence, mainly heterosexual males attracted to female flatulence. This is a thing? Really? I just can’t see it. Must be a Dominatrix thing. In that case- You Go Girl!

33. Panicophilia

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Occurs when you read through a list of Weird and Disturbing Sexual Fetishes to see if any of your fetishes might appear (*Other than this last one, all the other fetishes listed are completely real).