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OK, admit it: The thought of two women together turns you on. Yeah, we knew it. But have you really thought about what women do together — sexually? Have you ever wondered if you might be able to learn something from lesbians about what turns women on?

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No.1 She has to climax at least once before intercourse

Just because she’s moaning and kissing you passionately, it doesn’t mean that her body is ready to have you inside her. If a woman is not turned on enough, she’s not wet enough for intercourse. That can make sex downright uncomfortable and if sex is uncomfortable, she’s not going to be in a big hurry to do it again any time soon. The other important reason to have her climax first is that it will increase her chances of coming again, quite possibly during intercourse if you use the right positions or stimulate her clitoris with your hand, her hand or a toy while you’re inside her. Think of the female orgasm like potato chips – you can’t have just one.

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No.2 Never underestimate the power of oral sex

You and your woman have more in common than you think. Among women polled, oral sex is ranked as their favorite sexual act. Try varying your technique; use the flat part of the middle of your tongue for a constant and more encompassing way to stimulate her entire clitoris. Don’t use the same technique that you kiss her mouth with to kiss her other set of lips. This is a totally different scenario. Keep your rhythm steady and check in with her about how much pressure to use and if she likes direct stimulation of her clitoris. Some women are too sensitive to enjoy that. You may have to circle the entire clitoral area and using the flat part of your tongue as a softer approach.

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No.3 Become an expert on female anatomy

In addition to her clitoris and G-spot, become familiar with all her other secret spots. The outer one-third of her vagina is filled with very sensitive and erotic points for stimulation. You may want to try finding them with your hand first before venturing into sexual positions to try to find them during intercourse. (These spots are all about the size of a dime and exactly where they are located varies a little bit for every woman.) Your lover’s erogenous zones are as unique as her fingerprint, so explore her personal anatomy and become an expert about what turns her on. Your expertise will keep your sex life exciting and keep boredom out of your bed.

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No.4 Compliment her on her genitalia

For most women, the thought of anyone looking at us “down there” is loaded with hesitation and fear. Even if you’ve been together for a long time, women are always concerned with how we look, smell and taste. If you want to release the wild woman inside her, fill her with confidence about her body. Tell her often how beautiful she is, and how glorious she smells and tastes.

This is especially important if she claims she doesn’t like receiving oral sex. She may have had a previous lover who was insensitive, or too many lousy messages from childhood that prevent her from celebrating her sexuality. Encourage her to see herself the way you do — as a gorgeous sex goddess — and she will surprise you with both her capacity for love and passion.

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No.5 Kiss her more often during intercourse

For women, kissing is the fastest and easiest way to turn her on and get her juices flowing, which is why many men make mastering the art of the kiss one of life’s endeavors. Our big tip: Don’t forget to kiss her when it’s most important to her — during intercourse. While certain positions can make kissing tricky, try to kiss her everywhere, especially on the mouth, during your sexual encounter.

According to the Taoists, kissing during sex completes the connection of the sexual energy circuit, so your sexual energy flows through both of you in a continuous cycle bound at two points. This can make for an explosive experience for you both. Kissing her during sex will also transform a night of passion into a blissful union of hearts and souls — something she will be in a big hurry to recreate again and again.

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No.6 Don’t underestimate the power of breast play

We know they are your favorite toys and you may have even named them; but beware, because when her hormones rage, all of her sensitive and erogenous spots become heightened and sometimes even painful. We know that when her breasts are fuller than usual they can be very inviting, but she may not even want them touched. Check in with her — her sensitivity may only be limited to her nipples or other parts of her breasts. Start with gentle fondling and rub her sternum between her breasts — it will make her feel loved as well as aroused, and she won’t have to feel bad because she turned you down.

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No.7 Play with toys and sexual enhancements

This blends in beautifully with the previous tip, as many women have difficulty climaxing without the use of a toy, or have even stronger orgasms with them. Toys today are for everyone — men, women and for use together. If she gets to control the speed and pressure, she’ll consider them a natural part of lovemaking. If you use a cock ring with a vibrating bullet, have her on top of you so she can move around until the bullet hits her clitoris where she enjoys it.

As she squeezes down on you, her PC muscles grip your penis, which will strengthen your erection. She can be facing toward you, or away to vary the spots in the vagina that are stimulated — like the G-spot for more intense stimulation. You get to watch her bouncing on you while she does more of the work.

Enjoy the show and tell her how sexy she is on top! Sexual stimulants like clitoral stimulating gels, G-spot stimulating gels and penis enhancing creams all add a little fun and variety you can’t have naturally. For the truly adventurous, there are toys for men to stimulate the P-spot, which is in the anus near the prostate gland. Many straight men have acknowledged that they were hesitant to try it at first, but then quickly learned how that little spot is hot for attention. Make sure that you have good quality lubes and toy cleaners to keep your toys safe and healthy.

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No.8 Don’t just thrust away

The term “screwing” is actually ancient. It comes from the Taoist technique of literally screwing with your hips during intercourse. Using a horizontal figure-eight motion (the infinity symbol), this technique can help you reach all of those elusive vaginal hot spots during sex, which is usually tough to do. You may also want to try to alternate between short, shallow thrusts — highly stimulating for you both — and long deep thrusts, which fill her up while calming you down, so you can last longer. The Taoists used to write about the perfect sexual encounter as 30 minutes of female arousal followed by 1,000 loving thrusts. Now there’s a workout goal!

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No.9 Try using erotic film as research together

New studies show that almost 30% of online porn viewers are female. That being true, many women may prefer to use adult film as research. There are some great instructional DVDs out there that teach techniques including oral play for him and her, erotic massage and female ejaculation. They can provide an interesting approach to seduction on date night. Watch them together with the sound off, so you can get information and a turn-on at the same time. Studying has never been so much fun.

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No.10 Have a night of mutual masturbation

An ideal alternative to intercourse is to have a night where you and you lover take turns manually pleasing yourselves. Sometimes, you just want it the way you want it! Get out some lube and candles and apply some to each other, then prop yourselves up on pillows so that you won’t miss the show! Lie close to each other and kiss each other often, especially the neck, breast and belly areas so that you have body-to-body contact and you can really see.

Each person has spots on their genitals that are more sensitive than others, so watch where she starts touching herself as one side of the clitoris or the clitoral shaft may have more pleasure zones than the other. You may like your balls touched or pulled, or your perineum stroked, and she needs to see that too. Watching your partner as they use their own hands is a great teaching tool as you both get turned on by the visual display.

Hot pillow talk to encourage each other is magical! You might even want to place your hand softly over hers as she touches herself to learn the right pressure. Offer to “lend a hand” if she requests it. Internal stimulation at the same time may help her over the edge to bliss! Hold each other tightly as you come to bind you together in intimacy.