‘Expired’ Women In China Are Fixing Their Faces To Keep Their Jobs
If you thought gender discrimination in the workplace was bad in America, it’s even worse in China. While we already know ‘men’ (as they like to call themselves) believe that women are expired after a certain age, employers in China are making it nearly impossible for women over 30 to be hired …unless they resort to plastic surgery.
Yup, that’s right. According to the Daily Beast, women in China are undergoing plastic surgery in order to keep their jobs. These aren’t modeling jobs, either, just boring-ass desk jobs. As if it isn’t enough that the chinese government labels unmarried women over 27 as “leftovers.” Then again, who doesn’t love chinese leftovers? Am I right?
Anthropologist Wen Hua found that Chinese women feel significantly more job insecurity than men. Wait, really? I don’t understand why! (In case you didn’t notice, that was utter sarcasm.) I don’t know what is more pathetic: the fact that women are pressured by employers to get plastic surgery, or that they actually succumb to that pressure.
Hua also told Daily Beast contributor, Jenna Chiu, that beauty is seen as a primary asset in order for women to get a job. This isn’t news to me. Whether we like it or not, we all know that our looks either work for us, or against us, in the workplace. Besides, women are just objects to look at. Our level of intelligence is irrelevant, right?
Hua’s further research found that a shocking 90 percent of job postings for women in 2003 were only open to those under 30. Even more shocking, 76 percent of Chinese women aspire for executive positions, while only 52 percent of American women do. How? Chinese women gain their workplace roles by getting plastic surgery, of course. The Chinese plastic surgery industry has increased by 20 percent over the past year. Call it the new form of ambition.
Many know that Singapore is the city of sex where commercial sex is abundant. The men in Singapore have no lack of places to have their sexual needs attended to when the need arises. For those who are unfamiliar, traditionally, commercial sex can be found in the assigned houses along even lanes of Geylang (these are regulated), street walkers along the small lanes of Geylang (these are not regulated), Massage Parlours (usually those with skimpy dressed women outside), Health Centers usually in Hotels, etc.
Similar to other trades, commercial sex eventually made its way into cyberspace. This provided conveniences to clients, and a false sense of security to pimps and the unregulated prostitutes.
SHS managed to get an exclusive interview with an online-pimp who agreed on condition that his identity is not revealed. Let’s just call him Samuel. I shall not disclose how I know him in order to protect him.
SHS: How did you get started?
Samuel: I started when I was around 19 years old. I dropped out of school after Secondary 4 failing my ‘N’ level. I held a few jobs which pays pittance and I was always broke. Soon I started betting on soccer with a local bookie and chalked up huge debt. In order to pay off my debt, I was offered a job as a runner for the bookie who also operates a loanshark syndicate. It was during this period where I came to know a few online-prostitution syndicate members. They know of my photoshop skill and recruited me to join them.
SHS: What does your job entails?
Samuel: They will send me picture of the girls and my task was to ‘blur’ out their face before advertising them on the internet. I also maintain a few blogs and also yahoo-group to recommend the girls to clients. At times, I also write FR (Field-Report) on the girls at sex forums so as to give them good reviews. If the girls are to operate in Massage palours, I will arrange for the shop to be renovated according to the requirement.
SHS: How do the syndicate source for the girls?
Samuel: We have overseas agents who will look for interested parties, they then liase with us in getting the girls here. Generally, we charge them according to the type of permits that they require:
a) Social Visit Pass – SGD500
b) 6 Months Entertainment Pass – SGD5,500 (Monthly Agent fee is SGD400)
c) 2 years Work Permit – SGD9,000 – 10,000 (Monthly Agent fee is SGD450)
SHS: How is work permit possible for such services?
Samuel: Of course the work permit will be for other jobs which the girls will never be there. If there are sufficient passports collected, a front company will be registered for this purpose. However, most of the time, the guarantee for being here in Singapore is only up to 1 year.
SHS: So how are you paid in doing so?
Samuel: I am paid for each job but I rather not talk about the actual amount openly. However, I do earn extra on the side. If the girls needs a place to stay, I will help them to find the place and may take a cut from there. If the massage palour requires renovation, I will partner with the contractor and also take a cut from there. I also arrange for the girls to have their sexy photoshoot which money can also be made there. On a slow month, I will bring back about SGD8000.
SHS: You do know that this is illegal right?
Samuel: Of course but this is a recession proof industry. How is one able to earn enough with my qualification? I have started to diversifying the things I do and invested into a loansharking business. I plan to stop once I earn enough to start my own business like selling handphones and pre-paid cards. We know that we are constantly being monitored by the authorities which is why we will do our activities only in cybercafes.
SHS: What is the trick in the business?
Samuel: The trick is how to make your girls look gorgeous even when they are not. Luckily there are make-up and push up bras that help us in our work. As long as the figure can be improved then it would be easy as the face will be ‘blurred’ anyway. In the worse situation, I will find pictures from the internet and photoshop it before using it. If the business for a particular girl is not good, we will also help her to post positive FR. There is a group of us doing it so getting a few good FR is easy. It is all about marketing.
SHS: What is the setback in the business?
Samuel: Beside the fear of being arrested, there is no CPF and no leave for the job. The job requires quite a bit of running around and liasing with people in getting the job done. So a car would be needed to get the job done. It is still okay if you are single when doing it but your partner may not be comfortable once she knows what you do for a living. The job is not easy and high risk, one should consider it seriously as some had been arrested even before they could enjoy their earnings.
Where the hell is the female equivalent of Mel Gibson when I’m asked this question? I want a woman to be able to read my mind and hear what I’m thinking, so she can convince me that she’s my soul mate and everything I’ve been waiting for, someone to completely take my brain out of the equation. But in actuality, a man’s brains screw every single thing up.
What do men want? If that’s not the million-dollar question for women, I don’t know what is. Men are just about as fickle as they come when it comes to what we want in a woman. On a daily basis, my mind alternates between wanting a relationship, a fuck buddy, a one-night stand, or nothing at all. The real problem is that a man’s brain is constantly changing. There is never a day when we think or feel the same thing as the last, and that’s a fact. For women, that fact could make you quite crazy, and it’s safe to say it has.
The simple truth is that men are extraordinarily difficult to understand. Some men just want sex. And that’s fine. I’ve fallen into this category for the majority of my life. What is better than some rough, down to have fun, good old-fashioned sex, with no strings attached? Especially when you don’t have to worry about what this person is going to think the next day. This kind of guy is good for one thing, and it’s not someone to bring to Sunday brunch. It’s a casual fling, with little to no thought put into it and ZERO feelings.
There is another kind of man, and he’s definitely different. Some men want a companion, a relationship. I’ve always found that there’s women out there that basically go from relationship to relationship and never spend a single moment of their lives single and figuring out exactly who they are and what they want. There are also men like this. Some men just want the ability to come home to someone who cares about them, have their boring missionary sex and be done with it.
The trick here, I think, that women are missing but need to learn is to not try to change a guy from one mindset to another. If I am just looking to get laid, and I tell you I just want to f*ck, convincing me that a relationship with you will be worthwhile is going to be a waste of your time. You’re never going to change a guy like that. Odds are, you’re not the one he’s looking for, and even if you were, he’s not going to realize it until much too late. You’re never going to alter our brains. We’re stuck in our ways and pig headed to the point where, unless you’re an absolute dime who loves football and beer, we’re probably not going to notice that you’re right for us until you’re leaving. I wonder why that is.
I’ve had to ask myself repeatedly what it is about me, or men in general, that makes us so easily swayed. Why, for no apparent reason, we automatically assume that the grass is always greener on the other side. I wish I could tell you word for word what men want, what it is we’re looking for, and what is important to us. But the truth is that no guy is the same. Take your standard tits versus ass guy. Do we ever agree? No. I think there really are no right or wrong answers in regards to what a man wants. I can say that when you do find the right person, it works. It shouldn’t be a constant struggle; you shouldn’t have to work hard every single day to make something work. Relationships obviously require effort, but when you find the right person, it should just click.
Look ladies, the fact of the matter is that you have 99 percent of the power when it comes to men, and you need to start realizing this. You hold all the cards, and you open all the doors. The fact is if you don’t give me your number, you’re never going to find out whether I just want to bang, or I’m looking for the love of my life. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but when things go wrong in relationships, it usually can be directly attributed to the woman not looking at the signs that are clearly presented regarding what type of guy he is. Women need to realize that they own men. Period – end of story. Take the power you have over us, and use it to your advantage.
Find the guy who’s looking for what you want and things will work out. Try turning the one-night stand guy from last Halloween into your boyfriend, and well, things aren’t likely to work out.
I can tell you nothing about what men want. I can, however, tell you a little bit about what I want. I’ve spent the majority of my life single and loving it. I’ve had incredible nights with incredible women, and at this point of my life, the rat race of the dating game just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be anymore. Fact is, I’m sick of the dumb bullsh*t and the drama. I want someone I can chill with. I want someone I can go out binge drinking with and at the same time, stay in and watch a movie with. Even more importantly, I want someone who’s sexy but also reserved. As Ludacris said, I’m looking for a “lady in the street, but a freak in the bed,” and basically every guy is.
That much is true. What I’m sick of is a confused girl who is going to screw around behind my back, or not know what she wants. I am completely done with the games. I’m done with wasting my time. I am definitely not ready, nor am I looking for a relationship, but the signs are pointing to me being over the casual one-night stands. And to be fair, what’s so wrong with that, anyway?
Cheating: the true test of any relationship, a mistake far too many people make in their lifetimes. It is most assuredly a mistake, but it’s a repairable one — if you go about it in the proper manner. How many people do you know who have been caught cheating that have continued their relationships successfully? Many more than you would think, since the majority of these people are not going to flaunt their problems.
Let’s examine the process of overcoming infidelity.
1. Take Responsibility
The first step to any progress is admitting you have a problem. Regardless if your partner found out you cheated on their own or you told them, you need to own up to your behavior. Don’t bullsh*t around the indiscretion if you hope to continue a relationship with this partner in the future. If you lie that becomes part of your future since you will always have to remember the excuses you made. If you admit to your mistake, you and your partner can work past it together and eventually overcome it.
2. End Contact
It doesn’t matter if this was a one-time thing or a drawn out affair, you need to cease all contact with the person you cheated with. While that may seem obvious, many people fail to take this crucial step. If you are still talking to this person, the temptation will always be there and there is no hope to move on with your partner.
“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.”
3. Analyze/Understand The Affair
You need to reflect within yourself as to why and what you felt for this other person. Understand what the appeal of this other person was and why you fell into this trap. Once you recognize this, you can actively try to avoid it in the future. Compare this person to your partner and see what this person gave you that your partner could not.
4. Analyze Your Relationship
You have to be upfront and honest with your partner and explain exactly why you felt the need to cheat. Openly discuss your relationship and the aspects you think are lacking. There are clearly issues present in your relationship or the desire to cheat would have never occurred.
“When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves — they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true.”
5. Understand Your Partner’s Concerns
In order to successfully move forward with your relationship, you have to have a realistic idea of where your future is headed. If your partner honestly does not believe he or she can get over the incident, then you’re much better off ending it right then and there.
6. Check Your Behavior
If you choose to move forward with your relationship, certain situations are going to make your partner uneasy, and understandably so. Hanging out with members of the opposite sex in questionable settings are probably at the top of their list. Don’t become annoyed or frustrated with your partner, you f*cked up and now you have to pay the price if you hope to have a functional relationship in the future.
“Trust can be lost through lies, rage, violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and, most prominently, sexual infidelity. Once it’s lost, there is usually a Humpty Dumpty effect: hard to put it back together again.
Usually the behaviors that created the distrust are difficult to change, because they are complex and convoluted. These little critters skip and jump through our system like ciphers popping up in unexpected places, while giving our mind the best of reasons to be doing whatever it is that our bodies are pushing for.”
7. Try To Rebuild Trust/Relationship
Effective communication is crucial to building trust in any relationship, regardless if there are issues are not. Make sure the channels of communication are always open. Additionally, it’s helpful to do things that remind you of why you work as a couple. Start the dating process all over again and remember what it is that drew you to each other in the first place.
Time heals all wounds and this situation is no different. As the space between the indiscretion and the present increases, you can hope to make the incident a distant memory. Hopefully as time goes on, you and your partner can completely push it out of your minds.
I thought that maybe my friends were the only women emasculating their boyfriends and husbands. Then I did some digging and learned that this has actually turning into the new normal.
Young single women are clocking guys when it comes to how much they get paid. In 98 percent of the biggest cities in the U.S., the median full-time salaries of young women are 8 percent higher than those of men.
Over the last 30 years, there’s been a gradual shiftto a knowledge-based economyfrom a manufacturing and construction-based economy. Girls can compete more in a knowledge-based economy because being able to lift stuff is no longer a criteria for success. Brains have replaced pure brute. And, the ‘mancession’ that started in 2007 was just the icing on the cake for this shift; knowledge based jobs didn’t fall off the cliff like manufacturing jobs did.
The birth of the birth control pill made it so women no longer have to choose between having a career and having sex. It’s possible to do both and not get pregnant (for most people). Thirty years ago, if you got pregnant, you stopped working.
With those three things in mind, it’s not surprising that a lot of women are in relationships where they’re lapping their significant other in salary.
This will continue to be the case if women continue to do better in school, if right-brained knowledge-based industries continue to flourish (think technology, internet, web design) and if birth control continues to flow.
So then, why are guys still being raised to be the breadwinners, if their traditional role as the breadwinner is becoming less relevant?
This explains why half of the men that women go out with are morons. But it’s not their fault because they’re continuously getting bagged on for not manning up when outdated “breadwinner rules” are becoming less and less important to women who earn their own.
So what are the new rules?
The modern man needs to know how to land a girl who makes more money than he does. Period. The 10-point list on how to land a sugar mama:
If you make less money than she does, or no money at all because you’re saving dolphins or something, that’s fine, as long as you have conviction with what you’re doing. A girl who out earns you likes to see fire in your belly because she has it (obviously, that’s why she rakes in the dough). If you get home from work and have nothing interesting to say, she’s out the door because you’re not engaging, considering that you’re progressively moving forward with your life.
If you make less money than she does, she’s focused on your potential. That doesn’t mean the potential for you to out earn her, it means that if the sh*t hit the fan and she had to stop working for some reason, could you put food on the table and cover basic needs without the help of her salary. If you can’t do that, you have a problem. She needs a moocher just about as much as Mel Gibson needs another mug shot.
Don’t be a hater.
She hears every little snide comment you make. If you make snide comments or try to go head-to-head with her, she knows immediately that she’s too much for you and she’s out.
Girls who clock guys in salary “handle it” on a daily basis at work, which is why they clock the guys they work with; they get it done better and faster. If something goes wrong when you’re hanging out, figure out how to handle the situation before she has to think about it. If you go to a restaurant and the reservation is messed up, deal with it so she doesn’t have to. Don’t assume she prefers to handle every situation. Just because she’s capable of it doesn’t mean she wants to.
She likes it when you pay for her in the beginning. It tells her that you’re not on the verge of filing for bankruptcy. After she’s reassured, you can stop paying all the time and both pull your weight. Don’t just assume that she should be paying all the time because she makes more money than you do.
Don’t lie about your career.
If you’re unemployed, don’t talk about your old job as if it’s your current job; you’re lying because you don’t technicallyhave a job. If you used to work in real estate, but now you’re unemployed, don’t say you work in real estate when someone asks you, because you don’t. You don’t have a job. Maybe say you used to work in real estate, and you’re looking to get back into the industry; she respects that answer more because it shows that you’re self-aware. A guy who isn’t self-aware is a turnoff, which leads me to the next point….
Girls who are earners care more about confidence than what you do for a living. She’s probably pretty confident, so dealing with a guy who is less confident than she is becomes a burden because then she has to worry about not bruising his ego, and that’s fun for about negative one second.
Again, if she’s lapping you in salary, she probably has a strong personality. If she has to keep the conversation going when she’s with you, she’s working harder than you are, and that’s annoying.
Own what you can.
It’s the little things that count, big time. Open doors, ask what she’d like to drink before you order for yourself, and remember those little things she asked you to do. She notices this stuff, trust me.
She probably has a lot of crazy ideas about things she wants to do in her life. They might range from business ideas to places she wants to travel. Clockers are big dreamers, and most of the time she figures out how to make it happen. Don’t squish her dreams; be supportive of her grandiose life plans. If you’re lucky, she’ll take you with her on her journey.
If the modern man can rake in the dough and be the breadwinner, he’s obviously not penalized. But if he doesn’t know how to land a girl who is the breadwinner in the relationship, his dating pool could be shrinking rather quickly.
If you’ve ever heard women talking, you’ll know they talk about sex just as much as we do. And, similar to how we complain, they do also. Most of us dudes make it our missions to please women to the fullest, but you’ve probably noticed that most women haven’t got the slightest interest in pleasing us. Many of them think that if they just get naked, we’ll have a great time, and they just leave it up to us to bring home the bacon (erm…orgasm).
I initially wanted to write a different article this week, one that proved why a woman’s looks have a direct impact on her sexual performance; however, in order to write about that topic, I had to come up with a way to dictate what is and isn’t a good sexual experience.
Similar to how we grade women based on looks (on a scale from 1 to 10), I think it’s only natural that we should grade the sex we have with them, as well. Judging a sexual encounter is important because it will allow you to KNOW what you want from a sexual partner.
Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of sexual partners. However, most, if not all, of those women fall into the five categories listed below. This is a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest), and it looks something like this:
*Feel free to add your inputs and opinions along with some hateful comments, as I’m sure many of you ladies reading this will have a lot to say*
#1. The one that tries too much (aka The Disaster)
This girl has the potential to become The Pornstar (#5), but she has yet to watch enough porn. Because she tries so hard, she moves out of sync, is sloppy, and does a good job at taking your attention off the sex aspect and more on the “WTF is she doing” aspect. She has the highest percentage of male genitalia injury, breaks condoms, helps you lose your boner and gives you a genuinely bad sexual experience.
Chicks that fall into this category are inexperienced and believe that a man’s penis is made out of a rubber that has no pain receptors. If they have been drinking, they will also fall into this category. That’s just one more reason to avoid “taking advantage” of inebriated women.
#2. The one that’s scared (aka The Virgin)
This girl doesn’t necessarily have to be a virgin because she can still act the part many years after she’s popped that priceless cherry. She will usually look at you with fear in her eyes, as if she has no idea about what’s going to happen.
She gently pushes you away as if she’s not ready for the event, and when it does happen, she continues to act like it’s the first time. She usually sits in some extremely awkward positions that make you want to give up and just go missionary. This girl will eventually bust your nut but she’ll surely leave you with a sense of disappointment and/or guilt.
#3. The one that doesn’t move (aka The Starfish or The Doll)
The girl doesn’t know, doesn’t care or doesn’t like to do anything. As sad as that may seem, at least she doesn’t do anything that disrupts the actual lovemaking. Because of that, she will probably have many more orgasms than #1 and #2 simply because she lets the man do his thing. This is particularly true if the dude lives to please, in which case, she’ll have a fantastic time.
But what about the guy? While The Doll may suit the needs of many men, the ones that have sex more than a few times a year would probably like to see more. However, the overall sexual experience might be average, but it’s quite acceptable for most of us.
This type of woman is by far the most common, at least around the age of 25 and really does go beyond the belief that all a woman has to do in bed is get naked and say YES.
#4. The one that does something (aka The Girlfriend)
This chick has had at least one somewhat serious relationship in her life, where she witnessed that, indeed, a man does want more than a starfish. While she may be incredibly experienced in the art of lovemaking, she does go that little bit extra – enough to put a smile on our faces.
All girls can and will eventually become this girl, as long as they end up in a relationship with a dude that asks for it.
#5. The one that knows (aka The Pornstar)
This is the girl that knows what she’s doing. I don’t know if it’s the porn she watches, the amount of sex she’s had or what it is, but you know it when you see it. This is the girl dudes leave their wives for. This is the girl that was born to have sex, and she knows it.
If you manage to land such a slampiece, you’re one lucky bastard. Although you may constantly have the “feeling” that she’s either cheating on you, or there’s something about her past you don’t quite want to know, this girl is still going to blow your mind. She’s the type of girl you’ll give up crack for.
Note: With age, also comes experience. Generally, women below 25 don’t have a clue about what they want in a sexual partner; let alone what to do with one. Women over 25 start to have a good idea about what they want and start to make an effort towards finding their partners. Only after 30 do most women become “sexually liberated” and will be able to provide you with high quality sex. Of course, there are exceptions, but this is generally true. Finally, if we were going through this scale purely by age, EXCLUDING all exceptions, it would look like this:
Under 25: The Disaster, The Virgin, The Doll – very rare chance of finding The Pornstar
Over 25: The Doll, The Girlfriend – will sometimes find The Pornstar
Over 30: The Girlfriend, The Pornstar – your wife might already be The Pornstar
But what about looks? Would this scale be any different based on how a girl looks? Of course it will, and that’s what we’ll cover in next week’s article.
This is the sort of stuff I discuss on my blog and in the free eBook I give out. If you want to increase your success with women, visit The Player Guide – a place where the dating mindset is thrown out the window in favor of more direct and fruitful methods of meeting and seducing women.
Playboy Playmates Wash Yellow Lamborghini While Wearing Skimpy Bikinis (Video)
Luckily for you, there are no typos in this headline. We came across a video that was posted on a Dutch website’s YouTube channel that features four of the most stunning playmates washing a yellow Lamborghini in nothing but bikinis (that last part rhymes).
Perhaps the best part about this video is the fact that they put whipped cream, chocolate and other desserts all over the Lambo just to wash it up… Completely necessary if you ask us!
It’s as amazing as it sounds. What’s better than hot girls flaunting there stuff in little bikinis while washing a canary yellow supercar just because? If you answered ‘nothing’ to that completely rhetorical question, you are correct. Check out Flabber’s video description below:
Four playmates and a bunch of their friends decided to raise money by organizing a sexy car wash last week. They donated every last penny to help fight the battle against cancer.
We kinda jumped on the opportunity and made a Lamborghini disgustingly dirty to make a cool video full of slowmo’s, soap and sexy girls. – Flabber.nl
Everyone has an ex and, thus, is incredibly aware of how difficult it is to navigate the post-breakup waters. No one knows how hard it can be until they are put in that situation themselves.
The worst part of a breakup is when you have an ex whom you have the possibility of running into on a daily basis. How do you deal with that? What things can you do to ease the pain and what are you doing that’s making it worse?
Today we are going to help you by discussing the 10 pieces of etiquette to abide by when dealing with a breakup:
Drum roll please…
1. Wait Before You Try To Be Friends
You just broke up, there is absolutely no way you can immediately “just be friends.” You need a mourning period to reflect on the relationship, so you can (hopefully) move on. After enough time has passed, you can attempt to rekindle your friendship, but until the both of you are over your relationship, it is honestly impossible to be friends.
2. Stop Talking To Your Ex’s Friends
You know those people that you only became friends with because they were your ex’s friends? Yeah, try to limit the contact you make with these people. There is honestly no reason to even try and keep up a friendship with them immediately after a breakup. Newsflash: they are not on your side. Their loyalties lie with your ex, so rest assured, anything you say to them will get back to your ex.
3. Unfollow Them On Social Media
Unfriend them and unfollow them; there is no reason to be connected to someone you just ended a relationship with. You no longer need to see their constant status updates or newly tagged or uploaded photos. This is just a painful reminder of your past. It’s typical to remove all Facebook tags, but that has to be done in a gradual, discrete manner.
This gives you the appearance that you are not an angry immature person, but just someone who does not want the constant reminders of your past relationships. If you are single and all your recent pictures are with your ex, this doesn’t look very good on your part. People will be confused and think you’re in a relationship when that is far from the case. Side note — you’re allowed to keep the pictures you look good in. Why? Because you look good, but keep these to a minimum.
4. Don’t Bad Mouth Them
At one point, your ex was someone you held near and dear to your heart. You do not have the right to talk sh*t about them just because things have ended. We are all guilty of this type of behavior, but it really needs to stop. It only makes you look like an idiot since you were the one who dated that “psycho stalker.”
5. Delete Your Ex’s Relatives’ Numbers
There is no reason to have an ex’s parents or sibling’s number in your address book any longer. Your relationship is over! You don’t want to accidentally butt dial your ex’s sister to have her hear you drunk out at a bar. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Don’t wait for an accidental call to make you erase the contacts, do this ASAP.
6. Don’t Hook Up With Your Ex’s Close Friends For Revenge
Just don’t do this. This makes you look like a desperate and foolish person. Everyone knows your motive for seeking out your ex’s BFFs. People think this will enrage their exes, while it may, it will more likely just make them think less of you and make them happy they aren’t with you anymore. If your ex broke up with you and you think this tactic is going to get him or her to come running back, well you are sadly mistaken.
7. Don’t Admit To Indiscretions
If you cheated on your partner while you were together, there is absolutely NO REASON to admit it now. You may think you want to seek revenge on this person by telling them the worst news they cold possibly hear, but that’s an awful idea. What if you decide to get back together in the future? What if you hope to someday become friends? If you let this little bit of information slip, all chances of the aforementioned scenarios are impossible.
8. Don’t Purposely Show Up Somewhere Your Ex Will Be
People do this sh*t all the time and honestly it’s way too much after an initial breakup. Do not purposely put yourself in an awkward situation that will undoubtedly lead to confrontation. This isn’t only awkward for you, it’s uncomfortable for all the people around you. You are forcing your friends to choose sides, which is never a good idea.
9. Don’t Tell People The Details Of The Breakup
For some reason when you break up with someone, the first question people ask is, “Why?” Honestly this is a personal question and one not to be answered in detail, unless it’s to your close friends. No one needs to know the innermost, private details of your relationship and why it ended. The people who are asking you this question don’t actually care, they just want to gossip. Don’t give into this malicious behavior, if someone asks, simply answer: “It wasn’t meant to be.” Chances are the conversation will end there since you obviously aren’t going to be forthcoming with any details.
10. Don’t Sleep With Them
Don’t have sex with your ex immediately following a breakup. All this will do is cause both of you confusion and further heartache. Of course, this may seem enticing and familiar, but don’t make the fatal error of believing you are rekindling the relationship just because you had sex again.
Sh*tting Where You Eat: The Guide To Hooking Up With A Co-Worker
You’ve heard it a thousand times: do not, under any circumstances, hook up with a coworker; it will not end well. And while there is some level of truth to this argument, a workplace romance is not to be considered a social taboo. After all, this is America, the land of the free. The people who told you not to sleep with your coworkers are probably the same people who told you smoking cigarettes isn’t cool, and MADtv was better than SNL.
To those who tell you not to shit where you eat, I’m here to say that’s bullsh*t. If the office romance is heating up, just follow these simple rules.
Here’s the four-part guide to help you successfully engage in an interoffice relationship:
1. Be as absolutely discreet as possible.
This goes without saying, but keep this sh*t on the DL. Be up front about this before anything serious goes down. For instance, you can say something like, “Nobody can find out about this,” or “Tell anybody at work and I’ll f*cking kill you.” Well, maybe not the last one, but you get my point. You have to remember that even if you don’t tell anyone, a third party will very likely find out. So it’s up to you to keep this on the hush as much as possible. Lead by example. No excessive touching or flirting at work. No matter how tempting, do not go for that ass grab when passing each other in the hallway.
2. Don’t fuck your boss.
In the dangerous arena of workplace romance, not all players are created equal. In fact, many players are out of your league – namely, anyone who you directly report to. Banging the girl that works in marketing is one thing, but sleeping with your account manager is just asking for sh*t to blow up on Monday. F*cking anyone that is charged with conducting your annual performance review is a no-no.
On the flipside, if you are in your mid-20s and lucky enough to have employees working under you, don’t bang them. You’re just asking for trouble. Stick to employees of your caliber and people in other departments. You don’t want to sit opposite someone you gave head to last week, as they now review your earnings report and decide if you’re an asset to the team.
3. Resist the temptation.
This goes hand-in-hand with rule number one. You must resist the temptation to fool around at work. Chances are, no matter how much extracurricular activity you engage in, you still see each other more at the office than anywhere else. With that will come the inevitable urge to sneak off into the staircase or bathroom for a quickie.
This is a mistake. First of all, you don’t have your own office to be a stealthy as possible, so people are going to see evidence of the encounter. Why does the bathroom smell like sex? Why is there a used condom in the fire escape? Who left their thong at the office Christmas party? These are not questions you want to be called into your boss’s office to answer. Just wait until 5 o’clock rolls around. It’ll make all the difference.
4. Be conscious of the endgame.
Are you two going to get married? Probably not. Are you going to work together forever? Hopefully not. Therefore, always be aware of what lies ahead. You need to be realistic with yourself and your partner from the get-go. In other words, don’t stay with a job because of a relationship, and don’t stay in a relationship because of a job. If it comes down to this decision at any point, you’ve already lost. The whole point of the casual office romance is that it doesn’t effect either your personal or professional life. From the beginning, you should keep this in your head. If, and most likely when, things go sour, you should have already laid the groundwork for an amicable split.
There you have it. Follow these simple steps, and you’ll be the envy of friends and colleagues alike. But much like enjoying the music of Coldplay or being a Christian, it’s easier said than done. Just remember, it’s better to have loved and lost (in the workplace) than to have never loved (in said workplace), at all. I think it was Bill Clinton who said that.
Dating someone 10, or even 15, years ago must have been easier than deciding on whom to take in your fantasy football draft with the number two pick. The reason why I touch on that comparison is because it has to do with making a big choice that can haunt you forever, just as the choice many of us are faced with today. I mean think about it: everything that currently complicates a healthy relationship with someone has been ushered in by technology. Wasn’t technology supposed to make our lives easier?
I remember the days when technology was actually working in my favor. Wanted to have that new Dr. Dre song on a CD? Click on Napster. Want to start drama in your group of friends? Head to my Myspace top 8. Want to have a late night chat session with the first girl that wore a thong to class? There was nothing easier than using AIM and having to bear with my embarrassing screen name. We all grew up in a time that is unlike any other time, this generation is absolutely unique, as we were exposed to technology and we got to use it unlike anyone else before us.
Growing up, I recall my teachers prophesying that technology would make our lives easier, and after playing with the 2nd version of Internet Explorer and some Oregon Trail, we all foolishly believed the words of Mrs. Lipman. Yet, looking back at it now, it is actually making our lives more complicated – and in one field especially: our love lives.
How hard has it become to find someone that is suitable enough for you to date? It is damn near impossible and when it is possible, it all dissolves into turmoil anyway and that is the simple fault of technology. Think about dating someone 15 years ago, you would mostly communicate with them in person, do things together, go on dates (like drive-in movies), and your lives and the personal information you would disclose would be solely based on what you want the other to know about you.
There was no Facebook for background checks and Google was brand new. Dating today has become a game of yellow pages; we all have a yellow page, whether it be by means of our social media or simply by Googling a name. We are a friend request and 7 scrolls away from seeing every ex-girlfriend or boyfriend our potential suitor has.
We are out there, our whole lives have been made available from the moment we joined Facebook. This is just the beginning of our issues with technology and dating, but the purpose of this article is not to discuss how social media platforms have led to the downfall of dating, but rather to pose the question: to snoop or not to snoop.
It has been over 20 years since the first text message has been sent and it read the simple message of “Merry Christmas,” I can only wish that anytime a girl goes through my phone, my texts somehow all miraculously transform into that simple message. Our phones have become our own little black books; they have our photos, our text messages, iMessages, Snapchats, voicemails, e-mails, dick pics, vag pics and our Temple Run high scores (which should be taken into consideration, as hand-eye coordination has become a function of sex).
Simply put, our phones can destroy any good thing we have going and there is really nothing we can do about it. You can never expect snooping and if you ever seem like you are too prepared for snooping, then you will be accused anyway (I once had a friend who deleted every text he ever got). The big thing here is choice, it is our choice if we want to snoop through a partner’s phone or not and the issue is the fact that most of us will do it anyway, even though we know it’s wrong and the outcome will be terrible.
We have become a society that wants to know, we yearn to know, and if we feel like we don’t know something, it creates anxiety and a false perception of what is actually going on. Which is why we do some serious groundwork on the Facebook research to see what skeletons we dig up before engaging with a person.
Ask yourself this question and think really hard about it: when was the last time you have EVER heard anything good coming out of looking through a partner’s phone? Have you ever heard the words: ” I looked through her phone and now I can sleep better at night” or “She’s clean as a whistle, I checked her phone.” Absolutely never, the result of going through someone’s phone can easily turn a good thing, bad.
Worse still, it creates assumptions — and mostly false assumptions. When you look through someone’s phone, you are looking at things out of context. It’s like if you hear a white person yell the N-word, you assume he’s racist because you didn’t hear the full sentence: “N-Word, what up dog,” which is totally acceptable if he is saying it to a good buddy of his.
It’s like if you see text on your girlfriend’s phone from “Tom Turtle Bay,” which reads “I want to take care of you tonight,” Without seeing the rest of that message thread, you could falsely assume that he is saying he wants to lay the pipe tonight while you thought she was planning on having tea with her mother. It could be her gay friend Tom being that gay best friend that all women have. You basically see what you want to see and begin to see things that you think you are seeing.
The thing about it is that we all have a choice, just like I have a choice with my number 2 fantasy draft pick. With the wrong choice, I can end up with a terrible team for the rest of the season and be the butt of all the jokes — a good thing, going bad essentially. In a relationship, when you see that phone mistakenly abandoned, you have a choice. Do you want to make a good thing, bad or do you go with the ignorance is bliss method? I assure you sometimes not knowing what is on the other side of that 5-inch touch screen is a good thing; think of it as a gateway to secrets you don’t want to know.
The real issue with snooping is that there never really is enough time to go through all of it, only a small sum of it and the rest is derived from false assumptions of what you already saw and that is when you get crazy. Let’s face the truth, girls and guys in our current day and age are going to chat with other girls and guys, even if they are currently with you. To really snoop, you need about a solid hour, to say the least, to get down all the information you are looking for, but usually you have a solid 5 minutes before she gets back from the bathroom or realizes she left her phone unattended. Unless they fall asleep — then it’s no holds barred.
We all have the temptation, we all have the urge and we all have that little bit of doubt that something may be going on behind our backs that we should know about. We want to know everything and indeed we have become a jealous society, which is why mostly everyone can’t resist the temptation of going through an unaccompanied phone. All those questions you have in your heard about them are about to be answered when you do, so and I assure you, it is not going to result in something pretty.
I am sure you have all been faced with the predicament of whether or not you should go through someone’s phone. I used to do it all the time because I just had to know. Ten out of 10 times of doing this, I have seen a good thing go bad and result in false assumptions, but true confessions and things I never wanted to see. The thing about snooping is that you have to get your Sherlock Holmes on and connect the dots.
The simple text of “Come over, let’s watch a movie” can be translated many different ways and the explanation never sounds believable afterwards because you have already made up your mind. I have also been on the other side of the spectrum where my phone and privacy have been trespassed on, I use the word ‘trespass’ because the things on my phone aren’t pretty. She and I never spoke again, as seeing a nudie from a cute blonde that she already suspected me of sleeping with was just too much for her to handle.
I now have come to terms, as should you, that not knowing what is on the other side of that touchscreen is actually for the better, it calls for a clear mind and not having to dissect every message you read and thought you understood in that 5 minute window. I have vowed never to snoop again, as should you, because no matter what you are speculating or how many lies you think you are being fed, it is much easier to deal with the doubt than the exaggerated assumption. We in Gen-Y are no angels and we all know that.
If you do decide to snoop, then remember you are essentially praying for the best, but expecting the worst — and the worst is like nothing you have ever imagined. I once witnessed someone go through his girlfriend’s phone only to discover that her fiancé was texting her. So, yes, it is better that you don’t know most of the time. If Hillary Clinton can keep a blind eye, then you can too.