How To Regain A Partner’s Trust After Cheating

How To Regain A Partner’s Trust After Cheating

Cheating: the true test of any relationship, a mistake far too many people make in their lifetimes. It is most assuredly a mistake, but it’s a repairable one — if you go about it in the proper manner. How many people do you know who have been caught cheating that have continued their relationships successfully? Many more than you would think, since the majority of these people are not going to flaunt their problems.

Let’s examine the process of overcoming infidelity.

1. Take Responsibility

The first step to any progress is admitting you have a problem. Regardless if your partner found out you cheated on their own or you told them, you need to own up to your behavior. Don’t bullsh*t around the indiscretion if you hope to continue a relationship with this partner in the future. If you lie that becomes part of your future since you will always have to remember the excuses you made. If you admit to your mistake, you and your partner can work past it together and eventually overcome it.


2. End Contact

It doesn’t matter if this was a one-time thing or a drawn out affair, you need to cease all contact with the person you cheated with. While that may seem obvious, many people fail to take this crucial step. If you are still talking to this person, the temptation will always be there and there is no hope to move on with your partner.

“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.”


3. Analyze/Understand The Affair

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You need to reflect within yourself as to why and what you felt for this other person. Understand what the appeal of this other person was and why you fell into this trap. Once you recognize this, you can actively try to avoid it in the future. Compare this person to your partner and see what this person gave you that your partner could not.


4. Analyze Your Relationship

You have to be upfront and honest with your partner and explain exactly why you felt the need to cheat. Openly discuss your relationship and the aspects you think are lacking. There are clearly issues present in your relationship or the desire to cheat would have never occurred.

“When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves — they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true.”


5. Understand Your Partner’s Concerns

In order to successfully move forward with your relationship, you have to have a realistic idea of where your future is headed. If your partner honestly does not believe he or she can get over the incident, then you’re much better off ending it right then and there.


6. Check Your Behavior

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If you choose to move forward with your relationship, certain situations are going to make your partner uneasy, and understandably so. Hanging out with members of the opposite sex in questionable settings are probably at the top of their list. Don’t become annoyed or frustrated with your partner, you f*cked up and now you have to pay the price if you hope to have a functional relationship in the future.

“Trust can be lost through lies, rage, violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and, most prominently, sexual infidelity. Once it’s lost, there is usually a Humpty Dumpty effect: hard to put it back together again.

Usually the behaviors that created the distrust are difficult to change, because they are complex and convoluted. These little critters skip and jump through our system like ciphers popping up in unexpected places, while giving our mind the best of reasons to be doing whatever it is that our bodies are pushing for.”


7. Try To Rebuild Trust/Relationship

Effective communication is crucial to building trust in any relationship, regardless if there are issues are not. Make sure the channels of communication are always open. Additionally, it’s helpful to do things that remind you of why you work as a couple. Start the dating process all over again and remember what it is that drew you to each other in the first place.


8. Time

Time heals all wounds and this situation is no different. As the space between the indiscretion and the present increases, you can hope to make the incident a distant memory. Hopefully as time goes on, you and your partner can completely push it out of your minds.

The 10 Steps That Will Lead You To Your Very Own Sugar Mama

The 10 Steps That Will Lead You To Your Very Own Sugar Mama

I thought that maybe my friends were the only women emasculating their boyfriends and husbands. Then I did some digging and learned that this has actually turning into the new normal.

Young single women are clocking guys when it comes to how much they get paid. In 98 percent of the biggest cities in the U.S., the median full-time salaries of young women are 8 percent higher than those of men.

But it’s not just single women; tons of married women out earn their husbands. You know who you are.

There are a few reasons for this shift:

You get paid more if you have a college degree, and for every two men who graduate from college, three women graduate. This wasn’t the case 30 years ago, around the time we were born. Boys are now falling behind girls in school.

Over the last 30 years, there’s been a gradual shift to a knowledge-based economy from a manufacturing and construction-based economy. Girls can compete more in a knowledge-based economy because being able to lift stuff is no longer a criteria for success. Brains have replaced pure brute. And, the ‘mancession’ that started in 2007 was just the icing on the cake for this shift; knowledge based jobs didn’t fall off the cliff like manufacturing jobs did.

The birth of the birth control pill made it so women no longer have to choose between having a career and having sex. It’s possible to do both and not get pregnant (for most people). Thirty years ago, if you got pregnant, you stopped working.

With those three things in mind, it’s not surprising that a lot of women are in relationships where they’re lapping their significant other in salary.

This will continue to be the case if women continue to do better in school, if right-brained knowledge-based industries continue to flourish (think technology, internet, web design) and if birth control continues to flow.

So then, why are guys still being raised to be the breadwinners, if their traditional role as the breadwinner is becoming less relevant?

This explains why half of the men that women go out with are morons. But it’s not their fault because they’re continuously getting bagged on for not manning up when outdated “breadwinner rules” are becoming less and less important to women who earn their own.

So what are the new rules?

The modern man needs to know how to land a girl who makes more money than he does. Period. The 10-point list on how to land a sugar mama:

Have conviction.

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If you make less money than she does, or no money at all because you’re saving dolphins or something, that’s fine, as long as you have conviction with what you’re doing. A girl who out earns you likes to see fire in your belly because she has it (obviously, that’s why she rakes in the dough). If you get home from work and have nothing interesting to say, she’s out the door because you’re not engaging, considering that you’re progressively moving forward with your life.


Have potential.

If you make less money than she does, she’s focused on your potential. That doesn’t mean the potential for you to out earn her, it means that if the sh*t hit the fan and she had to stop working for some reason, could you put food on the table and cover basic needs without the help of her salary. If you can’t do that, you have a problem. She needs a moocher just about as much as Mel Gibson needs another mug shot.


Don’t be a hater.

She hears every little snide comment you make. If you make snide comments or try to go head-to-head with her, she knows immediately that she’s too much for you and she’s out.


Handle it.

Girls who clock guys in salary “handle it” on a daily basis at work, which is why they clock the guys they work with; they get it done better and faster. If something goes wrong when you’re hanging out, figure out how to handle the situation before she has to think about it. If you go to a restaurant and the reservation is messed up, deal with it so she doesn’t have to. Don’t assume she prefers to handle every situation. Just because she’s capable of it doesn’t mean she wants to.


Pay.

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She likes it when you pay for her in the beginning. It tells her that you’re not on the verge of filing for bankruptcy. After she’s reassured, you can stop paying all the time and both pull your weight. Don’t just assume that she should be paying all the time because she makes more money than you do.


Don’t lie about your career.

If you’re unemployed, don’t talk about your old job as if it’s your current job; you’re lying because you don’t technicallyhave a job. If you used to work in real estate, but now you’re unemployed, don’t say you work in real estate when someone asks you, because you don’t. You don’t have a job. Maybe say you used to work in real estate, and you’re looking to get back into the industry; she respects that answer more because it shows that you’re self-aware. A guy who isn’t self-aware is a turnoff, which leads me to the next point….


Have confidence.

Girls who are earners care more about confidence than what you do for a living. She’s probably pretty confident, so dealing with a guy who is less confident than she is becomes a burden because then she has to worry about not bruising his ego, and that’s fun for about negative one second.


Know how to chat her up.

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Again, if she’s lapping you in salary, she probably has a strong personality. If she has to keep the conversation going when she’s with you, she’s working harder than you are, and that’s annoying.


Own what you can.

It’s the little things that count, big time. Open doors, ask what she’d like to drink before you order for yourself, and remember those little things she asked you to do. She notices this stuff, trust me.


Be supportive.

She probably has a lot of crazy ideas about things she wants to do in her life. They might range from business ideas to places she wants to travel. Clockers are big dreamers, and most of the time she figures out how to make it happen. Don’t squish her dreams; be supportive of her grandiose life plans. If you’re lucky, she’ll take you with her on her journey.

If the modern man can rake in the dough and be the breadwinner, he’s obviously not penalized. But if he doesn’t know how to land a girl who is the breadwinner in the relationship, his dating pool could be shrinking rather quickly.

Did I miss anything?

– via http://elitedaily.com

 

The Official Way To Judge A Woman’s Sexual Performance

The Official Way To Judge A Woman’s Sexual Performance

If you’ve ever heard women talking, you’ll know they talk about sex just as much as we do. And, similar to how we complain, they do also. Most of us dudes make it our missions to please women to the fullest, but you’ve probably noticed that most women haven’t got the slightest interest in pleasing us. Many of them think that if they just get naked, we’ll have a great time, and they just leave it up to us to bring home the bacon (erm…orgasm).

I initially wanted to write a different article this week, one that proved why a woman’s looks have a direct impact on her sexual performance; however, in order to write about that topic, I had to come up with a way to dictate what is and isn’t a good sexual experience.

Similar to how we grade women based on looks (on a scale from 1 to 10), I think it’s only natural that we should grade the sex we have with them, as well. Judging a sexual encounter is important because it will allow you to KNOW what you want from a sexual partner.

Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of sexual partners. However, most, if not all, of those women fall into the five categories listed below. This is a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest), and it looks something like this:

*Feel free to add your inputs and opinions along with some hateful comments, as I’m sure many of you ladies reading this will have a lot to say*

#1. The one that tries too much (aka The Disaster)

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This girl has the potential to become The Pornstar (#5), but she has yet to watch enough porn. Because she tries so hard, she moves out of sync, is sloppy, and does a good job at taking your attention off the sex aspect and more on the “WTF is she doing” aspect. She has the highest percentage of male genitalia injury, breaks condoms, helps you lose your boner and gives you a genuinely bad sexual experience.

Chicks that fall into this category are inexperienced and believe that a man’s penis is made out of a rubber that has no pain receptors. If they have been drinking, they will also fall into this category. That’s just one more reason to avoid “taking advantage” of inebriated women.


#2. The one that’s scared (aka The Virgin)

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This girl doesn’t necessarily have to be a virgin because she can still act the part many years after she’s popped that priceless cherry. She will usually look at you with fear in her eyes, as if she has no idea about what’s going to happen.

She gently pushes you away as if she’s not ready for the event, and when it does happen, she continues to act like it’s the first time. She usually sits in some extremely awkward positions that make you want to give up and just go missionary. This girl will eventually bust your nut but she’ll surely leave you with a sense of disappointment and/or guilt.


#3. The one that doesn’t move (aka The Starfish or The Doll)

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The girl doesn’t know, doesn’t care or doesn’t like to do anything. As sad as that may seem, at least she doesn’t do anything that disrupts the actual lovemaking. Because of that, she will probably have many more orgasms than #1 and #2 simply because she lets the man do his thing. This is particularly true if the dude lives to please, in which case, she’ll have a fantastic time.

But what about the guy? While The Doll may suit the needs of many men, the ones that have sex more than a few times a year would probably like to see more. However, the overall sexual experience might be average, but it’s quite acceptable for most of us.

This type of woman is by far the most common, at least around the age of 25 and really does go beyond the belief that all a woman has to do in bed is get naked and say YES.


#4. The one that does something (aka The Girlfriend)

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This chick has had at least one somewhat serious relationship in her life, where she witnessed that, indeed, a man does want more than a starfish. While she may be incredibly experienced in the art of lovemaking, she does go that little bit extra – enough to put a smile on our faces.

All girls can and will eventually become this girl, as long as they end up in a relationship with a dude that asks for it.


#5. The one that knows (aka The Pornstar)

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This is the girl that knows what she’s doing. I don’t know if it’s the porn she watches, the amount of sex she’s had or what it is, but you know it when you see it. This is the girl dudes leave their wives for. This is the girl that was born to have sex, and she knows it.

If you manage to land such a slampiece, you’re one lucky bastard. Although you may constantly have the “feeling” that she’s either cheating on you, or there’s something about her past you don’t quite want to know, this girl is still going to blow your mind. She’s the type of girl you’ll give up crack for.

Note: With age, also comes experience. Generally, women below 25 don’t have a clue about what they want in a sexual partner; let alone what to do with one. Women over 25 start to have a good idea about what they want and start to make an effort towards finding their partners. Only after 30 do most women become “sexually liberated” and will be able to provide you with high quality sex. Of course, there are exceptions, but this is generally true. Finally, if we were going through this scale purely by age, EXCLUDING all exceptions, it would look like this:

Under 25:  The Disaster, The Virgin, The Doll – very rare chance of finding The Pornstar

Over 25: The Doll, The Girlfriend – will sometimes find The Pornstar

Over 30: The Girlfriend, The Pornstar – your wife might already be The Pornstar

But what about looks? Would this scale be any different based on how a girl looks? Of course it will, and that’s what we’ll cover in next week’s article.

This is the sort of stuff I discuss on my blog and in the free eBook I give out. If you want to increase your success with women, visit The Player Guide – a place where the dating mindset is thrown out the window in favor of more direct and fruitful methods of meeting and seducing women. 

– via http://elitedaily.com